Sneaky Devils or Life Enriching Critters?

Solving the debate. Are cats awseome? Or just assholes?

June 18/2021


Credit : Manja Vitolic


LOST IN THE SEA OF… Wanting a cat or not?

Have you ever had a conversation with life that goes something like this…

You “I think I wanna get a cat”

Life “Remember that time when you were five? That cat hissed at you, totally freaked out and scratched the shit outta your arms and legs.”

You “… Oh yeah.”

Look, it’s no secret, cats largely run on their own schedule.

If you’re sleeping, they’re awake and probably running around, yelling at the top of their lungs or as some like to say ‘singing the song of their people’ at all hours of the night. If you’re awake, they’re probably sleeping because they’ve used all their energy keeping you up all night. And if you want to nap… They’re gonna sit on your chest or face until you get up.

Plus, they’re killers. Literally. If there’s a rodent in your house, BEST CASE they kill it and eat it but leave the stomach somewhere for you to discover – seriously, it’s gross. Worst case, they kill it and bring it to you like a trophy as if to say “look what I did! Do I do good?!”- Also really gross. I’m gonna cut this thought here but trust me… Tis gruesome.

And god forbid if you have another animal they don’t like in the house. No joke, things get crazy. I was once told a story of a family who brought a kitten home for their cat so he could have a friend. They hated each other and somehow wordlessly decided that the older cat would forever stick to living on tables and counters while the younger one was kept banished to the floor. The older cat never touched the floor again.

I bet at this point you’re probably thinking “well… That sounds horrible.” So why am I bringing all of this up?

Because after decades of not liking cats, never owning or wanting to be around cats… I now have 2. I love them and I want to show you how I think you might be happier with a lethal, sleep interrupting, asshole cat.

                                                      Let’s dive in.


Cute right?

That’s Chester, one of my cats. Super adorable isn’t he?
What if I told you his favourite night time activity is jumping onto the bed headboard and dive bombing your stomach to wake you up?

Still adorable?

What if I told you he’s beyond affectionate, he constantly cuddles you always making you feel appreciated and his second favourite nighttime activity is making sure that he purrs on your chest until you fall asleep before joining his kitty brother for their furry rest. Aside from his nighttime stomach bombings and panicked yelling whenever he’s forced in the car, he’s a bundle of pure love. Doesn’t sound so bad with all the affection, does it?

            Let’s take a quick detour for some fun… Math.

Indoor cats tend to live between 10 – 15 years. So for the sake of ease and our fun, fun math, we’d split the difference and calculate for 12.5 years. 

The average one time cost of adopting a cat are $370 to $1,440. From there the average yearly cost is $430 to $870. Again, splitting the difference, the average cost of owning a cat for 12.5 years is $9092.50 or $727.40/year or $60.62/month… Not bad! Definitely beats the $1191/month it costs to raise a kid until 18 years old.

And plus cats don’t talk back! Actually… Scratch that, if you get a talker, they’ll let their presence be known all the time. It can happen.

But if you’re someone who’s wondering what the ROI is on a cat… I’d say it’s great! The low cost of owning and keeping them alive is fantastic for the love and affection you get in return.

I mean think about it, if you’re looking for interaction with another living thing, you could go the route of online/blind dating but what’s a dinner cost you? $20 after tip if you just get a meal, maybe $40-$60 if you get drinks? Double that if you pay for your date. So really, you could spend more on just one dinner than you would on a cat for an entire month. Back to ROI… Not bad at all. Forget online dates, just get a cat and have a convo with it, it’s weirdly entertaining when you get one that meows back.

No, he’s not dead, just sleeping.

That’s my other cat. He goes by many names and no, that isn’t me trying to add some mystique to his life. When we adopted him, his name was Boo. I renamed him Ninja Brian but my wife hated that and called him Squishy. So depending on who addresses him, he can be Ninja Brian, Squishy, NB, Ninja or Squish.

And guess what, he doesn’t care… Because he’s a cat. As a result, us humans get to have fun arguments as to the true identity of the cat who literally could not care less. It’s a blast. 

Cats can also have numerous health benefits, they’ve been shown to lower and reduce anxietyimprove cardio vascular healthprevent allergies and reduce feelings of loneliness. Another article claims they can lower your risk of heart disease, their purring helps to heal bones, tendons and muscles and even help you sleep.

Long story short, sure they cost a bit of money but they are low maintenance (definitely compared to a dog and ESPECIALLY when compared to a kid) and can improve your life in many ways, especially if you’re just looking for a little furry companion to spend some time with.

There’s a stigma toward cats, like they’re a much lesser pet and deserving of negativity. As someone who never grew up with or around cats, I know I sadly viewed them as ‘lesser’ than a dog but since I’ve taken the plunge into cat ownership, let me tell you, I was wrong.

So to answer the titular question, are cats awesome? Yes. Are they assholes? Sure, sometimes. Are they worth it? 100%. Should you get a cat? Tough to say, I’m just someone writing my thoughts on the internet but I hope all of this info has helped you make a decision. Just be honest with yourself, are you ready for this small to medium commitment and are looking for a little furry buddy? Then a kitt-eh just might be for you.

And remember, adopt, don’t shop. Both of my little guys were adoptions. Ninja Brian was rescued from an abusive home and Chester was found on the side of the road. These little guys needed help and it feels great to have helped them and given them a home. I promise you’ll feel the same should you adopt. 

Also, if you’re looking at a kitten please only get one if you can commit to keeping it for over a decade. It’s heartbreaking when older cats get put up for adoption. Also on that note if you can’t commit to years, then adopt an older cat! They’re lovable and don’t have a ton of energy so they tend to be even less work and more cuddly.

We hope this helped! 


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